Its Not Music​.​.​. Its Just a Schizoramia


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A relentless barrage of insults, cybergrind, subliminals, chaos, formulas and idiocy. Its quite spooky, and terrible. Perhaps it was a full moon, or maybe it was the blitz, or even the raystorm, i can't quite remember ... anyway its not recommended... except on Thursdays when its quite possibly the greatest 30 minutes on the planet...if your a rat.

still...we should bury it 17 thousand feet under the Earth
with the skeletons...its a frikk'n nightmare

aah excuse me.... no its not, its just a collection of Cambrian disco tunes, your just not that familiar with them was big before the mass extinction you know!

yes, well it's still not music....



released January 23, 2017

Recorded by 3 robots + 1 lunatic



all rights reserved



UMBAH is an Alien Industrial metal project.

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Track Name: Squashed Toad
Squashed Toad... yes, ha.
... about 50 years time
the year 20...60, or 70
or something like that
its really big
and the robots perfrom it live
and they make a concert for the Presidenté
and he likes it
and he promotes the band
to be...
the King of The Worlds group.
and they make it the anthem....
who is this dipshit?
....of the Universe

Damn it!
we should call the men in suits
i think they arrived
their gonna make some crazy music
go - go - go

uninhabitable planet
ooh... thats awful
come on, come on
their much smarter than me
blastbeat it away you god damn robot
make it giroscopic..yes
nothing stays the same forever...does it
what does that mean?

the riff? wheres the riff?
study it!

i'd rather live on Zarathusta
i do...
I'd go to Zarkon any fucking day
hmm.. great
I'd even live on Athena
Altair 4 or Zorgon
anywhere but fucking Earth!

Oh i'm so excited
the album hasn't really started yet
such a hollow planet
i'm going to switch it off in a minute anyway
you know, its like the violin tuning to the orchestra
its just a load of crap
and they go wooaaahhhy
yes, thats all this is
i like it!
there is something much better later
but will you stay tuned to find out?
i doubt it

subliminal tactics
why are you such an idiot
oh what a cacophony

the greatest thirty minutes on the planet
what bollocks are you talking?
you see, i worship Thundercats
whats wrong with that?
he was leader of the Galaxy Foundation you know!
heel , come on, heel...

its all free aswell... hmm, yummy!
you can blow smoke rings anytime you like...

i see returning eh, along the road
pleading....squashed toad...yes, ha

ooh. goodbye
Track Name: Lets Go Fucking Crazyeeeeh
its quite funny really... haha
come on, come on
yeah, it kind of creeps up on you like a baaad trip this one
don't worry it will all be sorted soon though
fuck... fuck
yes, what? look at this heroic skirmish
think your the wise raven do you?
(the album starts now)
can't you tell? its so much more coherent
this fear of the Lataderectidus
come on... i survived a raystrom you know?
this is terrible... hmm

i am thirsty
thats too bad
pint of best?
why can't i invented my next robot-vocalist
i need to invent it immediately
with robo-limbs - thats our target
good morning... what
insert coin Umbah...come on!
something with sugar in it will be fine
thank you... skewey... ooh
actually i've already sent this off for promo
this where you have to have a double bong
metamorphic schizm....just for you

hear the canary sing
he's in the birdbath fighting... woah ho
go to Solaris then... no....aaah
excuse me i have to go and drain my tube
...but i'm scared of the bathroom
cause... it has sticky insects in it
and maybe Golem's there
and drones flying by
i think i'll go to the dungeon and bathe

without the ecosystem where are we?
indeed where are we? ...indeed... its hard
i like listening to ants tap there testicles on the ground
oh fun
so fun to be a homogenous idiot
its not fun, its scary
yeah! ...horrible
oh yes i look like all the other sausages in the packet, don't i?
i think we should put you in the chamber and whip you
buy me a beer...shite
yes, yes its shite isn't it
exactly, said it before me
are you a mystic or something
tune the fucking thing
fuck you
what do you want from me...blood?
i'm getting pissed off with these machines now
oh....psychic idiot! haha
no, actually i quite like them
that bit was good, hmm yess
so was that,
oh my....spiffing

i'll pretend i'm chilling
yes, thats better
sorry everybody
is it a full moon or something?
no but the aliens have arrived
Track Name: Where's The Wizard?
thats all, come back next week
2 bongs this time..
it gets considerably worse from now on
ooh hoo hoo hooo
and theres choppers everywhere, its a nightmare
did a wizard compose this?
where is he?
i want to meet the wizard
come on wizard show your fucking face
i think he is brooding near a fountain
sounds like R2's gone nutz
the fountain of creation
a robot wizard maybe
he's making rituals
i bet he has nice boots
he's covered in foliage
i want the robot wizard boots
then i'll feel good to

Live on Radio Ghost 24/7
but what if i took over the world?
that would be so swanky
lets continue shall we
lets head over to the teleportation tree
lets go...
its not my fault you know
damn it listen to that
Tea Time everybody
whats it called?
i'm not sure,
firecrackers.... i don't know either
oh please help me
orb tree

gonna change into animal mode
hope you don't mind?
thats it..
they threw away the key...
i'll be squirrel then if you want
it doesn't matter
i just want to have fun with the others
oh, go on then

thats so much better
i think i prefer being an animal actually
maybe a dragons egg
humans are kind of dull

join the spider assembly line
look at a tarantula and shit my pants
climb up moss trees all day
aren't you?... dull, boring, idiots
none of you could be masters of the Universe if you tried

come on
hope its not too heavy
fucking let it out, fucking go, yeah
visit the UFO base
they'll never see me
fucking go, yeah
lots of advantages to being a spider
yes....except when they step on you
and then you go into severe declination
oh fuck
now its bubbling hard
yes i know
can't you feel it?
Chaos energy
black magic
suckle me, suckle me, suckle me
lets get off this dying planet now
take away the virus of your mind

couple of meteor zones ahead
but nothing to worry about
oh shit!
we've got some steam bugz on board though...hmm
Track Name: Pay For Your Sins
Is it all over?
thats, ahh... 3 dollars thank you
i'm glad its all over
leave it at the door....

its time to pay for your sins
you do know you've sinned, don't you?
well now its time you pay!
was there a hurricane or something?
pay.. for your sins

and what a motley lot we have here
who shall we start with
the rampaging rhinoceros
or the rifle weilding reindeer
well... lets be nice
i have a viscious viper here you know
i'm feeling pleasant today
i shan't use my nuclear bomb
i am not going to eat any of you
this does not mean however, you shall leave alive
i'm going to cook you in broth

one of you will be lucky and have the special request
lets visit Cuckaburra
thats it,yeah, boogey on, woo hoo
its like a detonater... oh yes
so Detonater Man... Nuke it!

on with the grand performance i think
which one is lucky?
the monkey
lucky monkey
lucky, lucky monkey
well, just wait till the apocolypse
then we'll see won't we
you won't hide in your bunker then
will you Mister Beaver?... yo

its kind of funky this bit
no its not
my electrical washer sounds better
funky in a cybery tech way
oh yes
might be good if your a rat
it wasn't that bad, was it?
Track Name: Dyna-Dance
He survived
yeah, they guys from Sloiyèr
they endorsed this one
you ready?

so, just quite where are we?
so the monkey survived
you see they put som acid in my soap bar
and every time i wash my hands i trip my fucking nutz off
i don't think thats normal
shit happens!
its like a whirlwind
a stingray up my bottom
explosive, muff-tickling,
litho-stealing, heavy metal
its cataclysmic, criochiplic
Umbah... what does that mean?
its quite cute really, isn't it

oh yes, i love it all, love it all
come on
dyna-dance, dyna- dance, chemical
dyna-dance, chemicals
this tracks just as bad as the one before isn't it?

is that a psionic driller
or a sonic sander, a vortex chisseler
a carb-free transmiteron
a litho-buritol 21 urolomat

hmm, i'll just carry on insulting everything
fucking tripping bastards
stealthy exogrinder there
did you notice?
not really
you were paying attention to the nano chissels weren't you?
or were you putiing on lipstick?

you see? just like a dog really
thats why the Presidenté liked it

hello, i'm the extra dimensional woodpecker
heel, yes, he's coming back now
i've come to beat up all the Koalas in the world
oh no!
obliterate them with my nuclear cannon
i have my atomic pantyhose on, and i'm ready!

its nearly finished!

i am going to exogrind them
with my scotch freezer gun
they don't stand a chance you know
kazooblast them to smithereens morphic mega awl
is going to blow their eyelashes
to the other side of the Universe
Track Name: The Contest
Oh wow!
i'm really impressed with these machine you know
its like they never tire, they are full of energy
i have fear now, fear of everything

its a technological LSD
i love it
machines go go, machines go go
machines go go, machines go go
technological acid, technological acid
machines go go.....don't be silly

this one, came in first you know?
thats right!
a hundred machine trial and this ones the winner
yes... its the best
no machine came close to wizardy

i'm going to fishing for a trout now
but the pigeons have photon guns
so maybe i won't

its the winner
it gets the first prize
it gets the award
why don't you all worship The Machine?

the contest has declared it
it must be true, it must be true
it must.... be true
thats it!
discovery! I know, i have it
its in the palms of my hands now
please... listen!
he has wings of chaos
he's breeding fast
what are you King Horni or something?
i'm quite a good hacker you know

it defies human minds
it defies reality
jolly good, spledid feast
whats next?
budgie chirp symphony?
or doom whistle quartet?
Track Name: Strong Robin
What is the perspective from which you make choice?
Well, hmmm....thats a good one isn't it?
shall we visit the Citadel of Frostwyrms and ask them?

Oh yeah... its the best track man...fuck!
Umbah rulez!

oh, i have such strange dreams lately
is it the chemicals?
i tell you what old chap
i have absolutley no idea either
but i like it
i don't have to pay you... do i?
i hope not

i am a strong robin
i beat up the vultures
the vultures of Canada actually
yes, the tough ones, you know

come on
they didn't stand a chance
you rule, you rule
i love you... all thank you
boom bang boom
Track Name: Beethoven Approved
I grew up in the crow pit of Ecuador you know
b,b,b, bong
i think Beethoven might like this
its a bit bristley
he might scratch his head a little bit
he might get a little but jealous
i think its time we migrate isn't it?
albeit in different dimensions
this is after the other world...

snore with boredom
come on machines, try and impress me
they are waiting for the stork you know?
once he's got his helmet on
he will be arriving
its nothing special
i could do this aswell
why don't you make something that makes me go...wooooh
well... let's discuss, why?
i just don't get it
its still rubbish
i'll give it another 30 seconds
come on machines gimme your best
its still absolute rubbish
come on.. 15 seconds
you better come up with something

robot 1 says - Yes
robot 2 is confused
robot 3 wants to get the fuck out of here

that's the forset newts there
i hope you like 'em
well actually its not bad
you like it do you?
hmm yes, ooh, kind of cool really
i sampled some Bigfoots there
its very authentic
go on machines thats tickling a bit
feeling a bit bristled... ooh
that was the crack of the Vulpes Egg
i sat there for 3 days waiting for it!

i like it now
its feverish
couldn't be better
patented UMBAH
Track Name: Its Not Music... Its Just a Schizoramia
Gosh, its absolutly horrible
turn this off
turn it OFF!
its not music....its just a schizoramia!

its a nightmare

Don't know if any of you actually listened to that bit
but ...Damn
i'm a platypus on heat
ofcourse i didn't listen to it
i am dreaming of other platypuses
Track Name: A Funny Conundrum
i did hear some wind though
so anyway,

theres this conundrum occured
kind of a funny conundrum
one of those ocean roamers
so 6 x 6 = 6

seems to be no way out of the funny conundrum
so i asked the machine
Hey machine what you gonna do about this funny conundrum?
i was reading Trilobyte's Lifestyle Mag
and the machine said....
oh, well thats bad then isn't it?
if the machine dosn't know
i don't know
its ok! i have the Scimitar of Altered Enchantment here
it leaves us in a bit of a bind doesn't it?

yeah, i sent this one off Mr Toad Runner Records
and i said - Hey Buddy
do you like my new demo?
do ya fancy printin it up?
do ya fancy making a T-shirt or 2
he said - can you sing about love?
i said yes
i love my fucking machines
oh dear - let me call Titan
Destroy your mind
destroy your fucking mind
you know that sense of joy
your mind.... your mind

don't worry guys, stick with it
the filter of doomed knowledge is coming up...
Track Name: What happens when i die?
What happens when i die?
What happens when i die?
we'll have a feast of sorrow
who's going to look after all my robots?
they are going to be lonely
ooh ooh ooh go, go... thats it
and this day might be soon.

takes away my sense of joy it does
so who wants to be Robot Master?
Commander of the Horde
Well, any hands in the air?
what about yours?
any offers?
well! thats a shame
i was expecting at least one of you
i think the Thundercat might want to be Robo-master
cause he lives on the magic planet with the Starfighters
hmm... and he sings Requim 7 all day

are they ok?
fear perhaps?
its this water covered planet there is something wrong with it
complexity maybe?
souless.... whats wrong!
nobody want to control the army of machines?
apathy, probably...yes
pathetically dystopian

oh i don't like to be the devil
numbness of mind - definately
i'd prefer to be a Doctor
i might aswell give you my cure...
forgetfulness of ones own nature

you see this is what happens
its good yes? haha
when you step outside
you've had your cure
you've had your fix
and so... you realise
we end like we started
with the same question
one of this in this room is insane
and we are quite, quite sure who it is....